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Well now, where to start? Where to start? 

First off, I was bored off my tits! Seriously, two fucking hours that could have easily been digested into an hour. During the honeymoon I was like "just get up the duff so you can get fucking home and things can actually happen. You know, plot. The thing all films, and books - take note smeyer, should have." Then they do get home and that's just as boring. I know see why they called it part one. Its let down ending of a battle that didn't happen is just the thing to remind people that the exact same thing will happen in part two.

Now I'm going to start at the beginning. The wedding. Seriously? Seriously? That is the way you're gonna have your hair for your wedding day? Rosalie's ultimate revenge, doing that. A poxy side plait and the rest just thrown back. Make a fucking effort. Christ sake.
The dress. Beautiful. It was. Shame in the after party it just didn't sit and look well on her. She is no Kate Middleton.

Honeymoon. Fine, but it reminded me of the big fucking annoyance I had in the book. Bella's happiness and Edwards whinging. Serious HOW THE FUCK DO THEY CONSIDER THESE TWO PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER??? They are NEVER on the same fucking page. When one is happy the other is moaning. When one says something, the other picks them up wrong. It's constant. Throughout the whole damn series. They just never convinced as a couple. The only thing that keeps them together is Bella's obsession with his looks, and Edwards insistence that he needs to protect her, even from herself, because as a frail human she doesn't know what she should and shouldn't do.

The pregnancy. Wow. How convenient it was that just at the moment Bella thinks she pregnant, the baby kicks. What a coincidence. And then Alice rings because she can no longer see Bella. What are the odds in that?

Then it's the homecoming and Jacobs little stubbly face. I "aww'ed" at that. So shuper cute! A few mean and moody poses at the camera. They fooled no one. He's a big cuddly tear bear!

I can't recall what happened next. I went for a snack. I was that bored! Oh Leah happened. I liked her. Thought she was so underused in the books. Which is probably just as well, I would probably have hated her if she was a favourite of smeyers. She has a tendency to ruin good possible characters.

The naming of the half beast. I'm not repeating it. You know how you read something, then the film or audiobook says the name and it's just not how you where pronouncing it? Well that didn't happen. It was exactly how I was pronouncing it, and it was just as fucking ridiculous!

The wolves. There was some silly bits as Jacob is running throught the woods, but I actually like the scene on the beach in wolf form. I like the hearing in their heads thing.

The birth scene. Need I say it? I like it. Ky, I know you said it was disgusting, and I see your point. But shit like that doesn't phase me much. I liked that Edward finally looked like a vampire and not a big pussy.

As I said, I disliked the whole "We're going to kill you!" "Jacob just imprinted." "Ok then, bye." ending. Another cop out in the worlds biggest fucking cop out of all time.

I know I'm sounding harsh. Perhaps I am? But I'm also trying to deliberately mention all the things I hated. But then again, I'm not. The hate is just coming to mind so much easier than the good. That was too far and in between, to be honest.
My general, overall view is this: it wasn't as bad as expected. It was long, boring, silly, but what else does one expect from a series based on those shit books? I did like Bella's transformation and how it was done, but hated that she stayed so still. Again, the book problem and smeyer breaking her own canon.
Either way, glad its over. And im glad i figured out how to get through part two - treat it as a comedy. Sound advise!

(I refuse to mention the Volturi scene at the end. Seriously, my darlings, what have they done to you? The ultimate camp panto villains. I am not impressed!)

I took lots of stills so I might do another post later in the week with them.

And P.S. if you're ever watching on a big screen tv and happen to be close to it as the credits roll - BACK THE FUCK AWAY. Really. Trust me on this. They would take your fucking eyes out!
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